infatuations , crushes , love , like , affection , adore
they do not mean a thing to me anymore
cause i have learn my lesson
never have high hopes
cause in the end its crush
you will feel as if you are clapping with one hand
im fucking emotionally disturbed!!!
i hate boys!!
i hate falling in love!!!
i hate everything!!!!

31 january 2008

i 'm like saving up money like hell for that shoe.

i have to get my hand on it.

i 'm trying to smile apart from the fact that im emotionally disturbed.
brothers are always out of the house never there when parents argue.
dad, i have no idea of his whereabouts.
mum, she's healing, i hope.
as for myself i 'm still coping
i don' know if i can hold it any longer.
i wish i had a bf, to pour my feelings too
to hold me tight and tell me that everything will be fine.
i think i 've made a bad decision.
if i were to retake can i score.
i 'm having sleepless nights studying, understanding every single facts.
i hope that this time i will make it through.
but with the negative surrounding i 'm in, ts not convincing enough for me to
encourage myself.
i have no appetite due to this problem, moreover studying.
i can't even concentrate on what i 'm studying.


LIFE IS HARDER THAN I THINK.PERIOD




' my feelings for you are way over the sky.
but i guess, i put such high hopes on you.
that im left clapping with one hand' - faddy

i never expect nor want this to happen..
why should i be involved?
i don't fancy being an emo kid.
stay together for the kids please!!

enough said,

22.01.08

i swear, im touched
you stood up for me; protecting me
no one has ever done that before.
and now im finally free from my ex
no words can describe how im feeling that moment
now im building up a new life.
thx for the hug, for everything
i love you.=)

I had fun yesterday,the previous day and a few days back
with him and maira around theres always laughter!
he bought kit kat for me yesterday
-a kit kat for a hug..gahahaa





'im loving every moment spent with you'- fadilah

CAUSE BROTHER AGREES WITH IT

What Fadilah Means

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.



You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

"cupid shot me with his love arrow once again."

previous days has enlighten me in every way
although, i rot at home,
but still someone never fails to make my day
simply by texting me.
and my handphone will never be silent again.
ceybA~!

every 1.50pm,
bedok town students will create noise pollution
at my void deck.
and its getting on my nerves cause i want to sleep.
listening to your LOUD trance music..
cheeky girls shouting here and there.
an instance of a public nuisance.PERIOD
i miss math like truckloads.
i miss doing algebra.
i miss doing chemistry experiments.
but most of all i miss christopher phua
i miss you stupid dance moves.
and your jokes.
i miss the gang fights my matrep ex will get involve with.
i made a promise to myself no more matreps from now on
no matter how sweet, caring they are.those are sweet talks and cheap shots
to get attention from a girl.
and i can't believe i was once a fool over a matrep, who NEVER gives me happiness
but all thats gonna change,i guess.
"YAKIN MAU LEBIH"

i miss the 'sape last anak babi ' clique
throughout sec 1 till graduation
we were always together through thick and thin
despite multiple arguments and not being in the same class.
i miss the sexyback jokes.haahaha busted
aww..

i think its time for me to quit smoking
i want to reproduce after marriage
i want have twins of a boy and a girl
or
just two lovely kids, a boy and a girl
the boy will have my husband's facial features.and the girl mine of course
i wouldn't want to suffer harmful disease when im old,frail and weak
i certainly would not like to be a burden.
but well, all this takes time.
i can't just quit immediately
i need to learn control my temptations and whatever
hence, i will quit eventually


& i think im blabbering too much here.
i need to repair my digital camera.
but dang! im lazy to even lift my butt and take my shower
the toilet is chanting my name again, and so is mum

"YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME SMILE,
& IM ADDICTED TO YOU" - fadilah

i feel like screaming!!!.period

monday blues..
gawd! i miss school.
i miss getting fed up over math sums, i miss christopher's lame jokes
i miss the mee soto, & i've been craving for it for months.
dang! i can shed tears i tell you.gahaha
mum has been pestering me to cut my hair.
come on la cant i at least keep it long.i love it this way
i want to get that zara hoodie by this saturday.
i need to read a n0vel real badly, im getting dumber by the day
for one more day - mitch albom please..



im getting happier by the day...
my tongue's all tied up when i hear your voice.






"im sitting here wishing for something thats missing.
im waiting for you to tell me that time keeps on passing
im hoping, im asking
to stand by your side. just for tonight" - all time low

i swear whats hannening - soulja boy
is an irritating song..no offence

"and when it rains
on this side of town it touches,everything
just say it again and mean it
we don't miss a thing
you made yourself a bed
at the bottom of the blackest hole
and convince yourself that
its not the reason you don't see the sun anymore." - paramore

time flew so fast today.

meyra said the other day " u have to pick one"
if im not mistaken la,
well i guess i've made my decision
this time no more matreps
dang! they either hurt you, play you out or etc
maira you know i know la eh..
oh i need information bout the force vomit gig
& can someone surprise me with balloons, =)

oh conversation between me and mum was hilarious

me: mak, deela nk ade matae bole
mum: bole sape die ak pon nk tgk
me: ala malu la die kalau mak nk jumpe
mum : eleh menyampah aku
mum: abg kau bace blog kau die kate kau suke *insert name*
mum: siape tu? ape tu?
me: haha org la ape lag kan.
mum: oh hensem tak
me: (smiling)
mum: dh terpikat la ni..tak padan kecik (laughing away)

dear mum,
i like u better this way
thanks for cutting down on the nagging


to haidil;
sorry im moving on
as i said no more matreps.
take care
miss me when im gone.





'the hounds of love are calling' - the futureheads

contented i am..

still contented from yesterday's outing.
looking forward for the next.




"i wish you're mine..gahahah" - fadilah

MY HEART SKIPS WHEN IM WITH YOU- I SWEAR

DESPERATION

im in desperate needs for that stick supplement..
been sticking my butt at home and cleaning the whole house
but i spend most of my time chatting rather than cleaning.
hahah maira should know why.
so today im finally free as a bird.
i can go anywhere i want and comes back late.
but the thing is i have no idea what to wear.
and daddy is not home yet.so no currency for the moment.
oh, and he called yest, it makes me smile for awhile
and yest night mum randomly said
"kau ni chat dgn siape ah tersenyum-senyum,dh due hari kau buat gitu.
gile eh..."

i was too engross in chatting that i just smile and keep on smiling
even in my sleep.
ok i guess till here..
the shower is chanting my name











"i can't see anyone when he's chatting with me" -fadilah

i aint dwelling.

aizad left and everything is falling apart.
and im to be blame for.
i thought we nth but just friend
and yet being friends you can't give me the freedom i wanted
i never fancy someone guarding over my shoulders
being somesort of a silhouette
you became overprotective after that desperate guy
told you he kissed me.
im not drown in desperation
nor am i sad we were not even together
cause im just 16, i need my freedom
plus i already have someone in mind.
but i still miss those late night calls.and memories of us

"this is the way you left me, im not pretending.
no hope,no love, no glory,
no happy ending" - mika

I SWEAR
im super duper ultimately happy today!!!
CHAT NGAN DIE BOLEH CAIR

back baybeh~

i have abandon this blog for far too long now
and since i became jobless thus gaining weight
i decide to start blogging.
i may not be great in recounts.
but however boring my day turns out to be.
i could not care less
cause in the end of the day no one is reading this pathetic whines of mine.

i was never good in love.
nor do i want to be at this age.still
some guys are weird like totally
they chat with you via phone,msn and some meet ups
and they declare they love you
and fyi mister,if i really love someone i won't type ily!
that is so cheap and its meaningless..
not sincere at all
and what make you think you're worth my love?
you don't catch my attention at all.
rather you turn me off.
what is love to you?
some infactuation you feel or a crush i guess.
till now, i myself, can't figure out what love really mean.
and your cheap talks ain't love.
you're just drown in desperation for a companion.
and honestly you're sweet talks are nothing but cheap entertainment


ok back to me..
been sitting at home.
merely doing nothing
accept eat,sleep, watch tv,and hog the comp
LIFELESS.word.
and the furthest i go is bedok north,blk 422
chet!
i must get a job sometime soon.
i wouldnt be please if i were to gain anymore weight





"i want a boyfriend who will make me laugh 24/7" -fadilah