full of IFs

im sorry mum for slapping you in the face with all those harsh words.
im sorry im not perfect enough, im not what you expected.
i didn't force you for the divorce
in fact, i told you to cool down.
and now its like you are blaming me on the negativities surrounding you
mum im just 17 to be.i, myself am exploring life
i already hurt many souls as i go along
and now you're hurting me more than i hurt them
just one i would love to ask.
what would you do if eventually one day i went away far away?
you said that its better if i were dead,
are you regretting having me?
you choose your life to be in this way
and now all you do is blame me.
what the fuck have i done?
i wanted to be frank with you
but too bad you're just another stereotype freaks.
im not afraid of taking away my life mum
one thing you should know bout your daughter is that she's not afraid to do anything.
you implant hatreds towards me.
im your fucking biological daughter
i know, i've let you down.
but instead of encouraging me you bring me down
you are just trying to be dad and using your reverse psychology method on me
but honestly only dad have the skills to do that.
so quit trying.don't provoke me any further mum
i will go seriously.don't you cry.


a special one use to say
'cry your hearts out it will help'
but hell it don't work for me.
it only hurt my eyes.
people lie to cover themselves or NOT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS
its not my fault i have this phobia of getting beaten up by guys
and haidil i have nth going on with haikal.
even if i do you're nth to me
can't you for goodness sake see that you ruin my life?
that phobia comes from you!!
it hurts when haidil said this
'where's your hero? ala yang slamatkan you malam tu'
i swear, i cried after he said that





at this particular moment
im trying to live my own life
and shut my surroundings.
im choosing to forget everything.
all i know is that i don't have a mum
the person i called mum is just some heart breaker.